You Are Not the Leader You Think You Are
SERIES: LEADERSHIP FROM THE INSIDE | ARTICLE 1
Your leadership identity doesn't live in your head. It lives in the heads of others — and the gap between the two changes everything.
Philip Knox | Former Chief Superintendent, PSNI | Leadership & Culture
This is the first in a series of articles drawing on thirty years of policing leadership — from constable to Chief Superintendent, from operational frontline to strategic organisational reviews. The series is aimed at leaders at every level and every stage. Not theory for theory's sake. Experience, supported by the best thinking available, in the hope that you can get there faster than I did.
I spent thirty years in policing. For at least the first twenty of them, I thought I understood my own leadership. I knew my values. I knew what I stood for. I had a clear picture in my head of the kind of leader I was — and the kind of culture I wanted to create around me.
What I didn't fully understand was this: none of that matters as much as you think it does.
Your leadership identity doesn't live in your head. It lives in the heads of the people around you. And the gap between those two things can be enormous.
Think about that for a moment. Everything you say — and everything you don't say. Every decision you make and every one you avoid. How you behave when you're energised and how you behave when you're tired, frustrated, under pressure, or just having a bad day. Your humour, your body language, who you make time for and who you don't. How you react when things go wrong. Whether you stay true to your stated values when it costs you something to do so.
All of it. Every single bit of it is being watched, interpreted and filed away by the people you lead. And from all of that, they are building their own picture of who you are as a leader — a picture that may bear very little resemblance to the one in your head.
I learned this the hard way. I led a major cultural change programme within a policing organisation over four years. I had a clear vision, I was passionate about it, I communicated it relentlessly. But culture change is not won in the big moments — the speeches, the strategy documents, the away days. It is won or lost in the small ones. The unguarded comment. The decision that contradicts the vision. The moment you let something slide because you're tired of fighting it. Give an inch and you'll lose a yard. The prevailing culture is always waiting.
The academic Edgar Schein, who I regard as essential reading for any leader serious about culture, argues that leaders both create and are created by culture. But he is equally clear that if leaders do not become conscious of the culture they are building through their daily behaviour, that culture will manage them. Not the other way around.
This is why leadership development that focuses only on strategy, structure and process changes very little. You can redesign an organisation chart, rewrite a policy, launch a new set of values. But if the leader's behaviour doesn't change — if what people see, hear and experience every day doesn't change — the culture remains exactly as it was. It is the leader's behaviour, day in, day out, that sets the tone. Everything else is wallpaper.
So what does this mean practically? It means that self-awareness is not a soft skill. It is the foundation of everything. Before you can lead others effectively you have to understand yourself honestly — your strengths, your blind spots, how you come across under pressure, what you signal when you think nobody is watching. That is hard, often uncomfortable work. But it is the work.
It also means that the question worth asking regularly is not "what do I intend?" but "what am I projecting?" The gap between intention and impact is where trust is lost, cultures drift and people stop believing in the leader in front of them.
I work with leaders at all levels — those just starting out and those well into their journey. The truth is, this lesson doesn't have an expiry date. New leaders can grasp it early and build on solid foundations. But many experienced leaders are still on the journey too, still closing the gap between who they think they are and who their people experience them to be. There is no shame in that. What matters is the willingness to look honestly at that gap and do something about it.
It is relentless and unforgiving. But there is nothing more important.
“The question worth asking regularly is not "what do I intend?" but "what am I projecting?" The gap between intention and impact is where trust is lost, cultures drift and people stop believing in the leader in front of them.”
What Comes Next
In the articles that follow I will explore the themes that have shaped my thinking on leadership and culture — transformational leadership, the role of the leader in culture change, what it really takes to shift an organisation, and the lessons I wish someone had shared with me earlier in my career. I hope they are useful to you wherever you are on your own journey.
About the Author
Philip Knox is a retired Chief Superintendent with thirty years of service in the Police Service of Northern Ireland. He led the PSNI Police College culture review (2016) and the South Armagh Policing Review (2020). He now works as a leadership consultant and educator, developing and delivering programmes for organisations across the UK and internationally. His work focuses on leadership identity, organisational culture and the relationship between the two.